This past January, I started to notice Bella drooling. Usually, she and Thai would do this if they were happy, especially when Jason and I would give either of them affection. Some cats drool when they are happy, and that is totally normal. However, I was concerned when I saw Bella drooling, because I was not petting her at the time. And, I had not even started giving her affection. I told Jason, and we both agreed to keep an eye on Bella for the next couple of days.
A couple of days passed, and Bella was still drooling. Her drool also became semi thick, with brown discharge. I immediately made Bella a veterinary appointment. I was fearing the worst, as I thought that this could be the beginning signs of oral cancer, the same signs and symptoms her brother had. When we took her to the vet, it was the middle of January.
At the vet appointment, we explained the symptoms that we were seeing in Bella. The vet that saw Bella, attempted to look inside of her mouth. The attempt failed. As like any animal, Bella was anxious, and did not understand what was going on. Therefore, she would fight back every time the vet attempted to open her mouth. The vet told us that in order to get a proper look inside of Bella’s mouth, that she would need to be put under anesthesia. And, the only time that they put animals under anesthesia is for surgical reasons or a dental exam. The veterinarian also told us that in order to get a proper diagnosis, Bella would need a full dental exam, with a complete mouth cleaning. When the veterinarian gave us the estimate for a complete mouth cleaning, plus anesthesia, and ONE (possible) tooth extraction, the beginning price totaled $1,019.00. If Bella needed multiple teeth extracted, the price would be on the higher side of $1,500. Jason and I were both in immediate sticker shock! 🤯 We talked with the vet about the pricing of this dental/diagnosis procedure, but unfortunately, that was the price that the company set for each of their offices, and payment plans were not accepted. I did have “Carecredit’. However, I was not able to get a higher limit increase for Bella. For the moment, the vet sent us home with antibiotics for a possible tooth infection, as well as liquid pain medicine.
I was not happy, nor was I upset, because at the end of the day, Bella did not have a diagnosis of oral cancer. I was hoping that the vet would be able to open Bella’s mouth on the first try, without needing any anesthesia. That same day, we needed to purchase Bella wet pate, so that we would be able to put her antibiotic and pain medicine inside of the pate. This was the only way we would ever be able to get Bella to take any medicine, without forcing her. On the plus side, she loved the wet pate, as we did not usually feed any of our cats wet food. So to her, this was a rare treat! I was just glad that she was able to get the medicine in her system. I was hoping and praying that this was just a possible tooth or gum infection…
During the time that Bella was on antibiotics and pain meds, this gave us a little bit of time to try to find some type of funding that would help us cover at least the lower end of the mouth cleaning/diagnosis that Bella needed. Jason and I opened up a GoFundMe page. We attempted to raise the higher end, which was $1,500 of Bella’s procedure, just in case she did need multiple tooth extractions during her procedure. However, we were not lucky in getting the funds that were needed through GoFundMe. Nor were we fortunate enough to find an animal organization that would be willing to help us with part of the cost of the procedure. I felt like doors were closing in every direction for my poor Bella girl.
March of this year rolled around. We noticed that Bella was unable to eat any of the hard food that she used to enjoy before. So we had to permanently put her on the soft pate food, so she could get the nutrition that she normally would get. Back in February, the vet put Bella on one more dose of antibiotics. However, this time the drool got worse and we could not afford a second opinion either. Jason and I were still holding out hope that the symptoms that were getting worse were not the signs of oral cancer. We were so desperate to try and help Bella, that we ended up searching everywhere on the internet for a possible diagnosis relating to Bella’s symptoms. One diagnosis that we fell upon that fit all of Bella’s symptoms was feline stomatitis. In short, the diagnosis consisted of inflamed and bloody gums, excessive drooling/saliva, and trouble chewing. I did some more research, and I found that CBD oil would be a short-term solution to help with Bella’s inflammation of the gums. After Jason put the first couple of drops of CBD oil and her wet pate, we noticed a difference! The CBD oil had improved Bella’s inflammation, as well as her drooling. After Bella finished her second round of antibiotics and pain medicine, Jason and I decided to try giving Bella the CBD oil full-time, until we could find the funds to come up with for her dental/diagnosis procedure.
However, on April 29th, Jason and I woke up on what would be our Bella girl’s final day with us. Bella not only had remnants of blood on her mouth, but blood was on our sheets, pillows, and Jason had blood on his left upper arm and back of his shoulder. Bella was bleeding from the mouth. Jason was lucky to get her mouth clear of the blood by offering her water from the shower. We both knew that this wasn’t a good sign at all. After Jason was able to wash the blood from Bella’s mouth, she did not have any more blood coming out, only the drool. After making sure she would be okay, Jason made a quick run to the grocery store. I sat with Bella. She sat on my lap, with a pillow and a chuck pad on top, just in case she started bleeding again. The whole time Jason was gone at the store, Bella was asleep on my lap. I would look down at Bella on my lap, every couple of minutes. Making sure she was not bleeding from her mouth anymore. As long as she was sleeping, everything would be okay for that moment.
Jason came home from the grocery store, at which of course, Bella woke up. She was out of her wet pate, and it was almost time for her to eat. So with that, I went and I ordered her more pate, seafood flavor was her favorite! 🐟
The whole time I was waiting on Bella’s food to arrive, I was holding out hope that the blood that we woke up to that morning was just a one-off moment. Maybe Bella was just having an off day with her stomatitis. When the food arrived, Jason took a can to the back where our bedroom and bathroom was located. Of course, Bella was right on cue and followed right behind Jason. (#daddy’sgirl)
After Jason dished out her wet pate, he came back into the living room. I asked him how she was, and he responded, “She is eating.” After about a minute or two later, I took it upon myself to go back to the bedroom / bathroom area. She was in her usual spot in the bathroom, eating. I wasn’t able to see any blood. However, I did not bring my power chair all the way into the bathroom to check. Bella was eating. So, I turned my power chair back around to go back down to the hallway and into the living room. I was feeling relieved at the moment. However, before I could make it to the living room, Bella came up from behind me. She made her way to the dining room, where we kept the litter box. We keep our dining room as a cat supply/storage area for cat stuff. (We don’t eat anything there ourselves.) I noticed Bella was going in the litter box, however, I then noticed that she was bleeding from her mouth once more. And as I looked from where she ran and when she reached the litter box, she left a trail of blood spots. I immediately started to panic. When Bella was finished with the litter box, she was trying to make her way back to the food bowl in the bathroom, however, she collapsed in the middle of the hallway. She was not able to move either. Her body looked distorted, almost as if she had twisted something in her lower back. After a couple of minutes, Jason carefully picked Bella up, and put her back on my lap, where I still had the pillow with the chuck pad. I started crying, at the same time calling her veterinarian office, seeing if they could see her immediately, or if their hospital was open on Saturdays. However, they did not have any emergency appointments available. The lady on the phone gave me a number for an emergency veterinary hospital.
During this time, Bella felt heavy. Almost as if she had already passed on. I called her name like I usually do. Usually when I say her name, her ears would move. This did not happen. I clicked my tongue, trying to hold back my tears, thinking of when I would do this, she always responded by flicking her ears back. She did not respond to this either.
As I was waiting for the people at the emergency hospital / veterinary clinic to pick up the phone. I kept calling Bella’s name and lightly shaking her. Getting nothing in response. She’s gone! Was all I could think. When the person on the other end picked up the phone, I started crying and trying to talk at the same time. But of course, the lady on the other end could not understand what I was saying through all my panicking, stuttering, and sounding like I was hyperventilating. She told me that she understood that I was “in shock,” as she knew something was wrong with my cat, but she could not understand through all my crying. So I took a few deep breaths, tried to clear my panicked thoughts, and explained to her that I thought my 16 year old cat had died in my lap, just about a minute before she and I started talking. However, as soon as I had said the word died, Bella moved her head! I was shocked once again! We were sure that Bella had passed away in my lap, because her eyes were wide open, and she did not blink or move once during those few minutes. The emergency veterinary clinic was able to see Bella that same day. So, Jason and I were lucky enough that our friend, who used to watch all three cats, was able to take Jason and Bella to the emergency veterinary clinic. As Jason was getting Bella in her little cat crate, I gave her a kiss on the head. I did not go along this time. I wanted Jason to be able to focus on taking care and being there for Bella. The moment was too important to worry about getting me in and out of the car, and loading up my chair. I did not want Bella to feel afraid. So I wanted Jason to only focus on her and to keep her as calm as possible.
I was able to speak with the veterinarian who was actually able to open Bella’s mouth and diagnose her. Jason was able to get the vet on video chat for me. And unfortunately, it was bad news. Bella had another tooth infection, but with that, there was a little black spot on the back of her bottom gum with a bump underneath it. The veterinarian explained to us that he was positive that this was the same type of oral cancer her brother Thai had, since Bella and Thai were biologically from the same litter. The veterinarian offered to test the lump with the black spot on the back of that bottom gum. However he did explain that this would cost more, and it would take a little while for the results to come back. I knew that I didn’t want Bella coming back home in the exact shape that she had left. That would be no life for her. I didn’t like seeing her suffer anymore than she already was suffering. I cried almost every time when watching her eat. I explained that to Jason while I was on camera. And we both didn’t want to see her suffer anymore. The vet also agreed with our decision.
A few moments later, Jason came on video chat. They took Bella out of her crate, and Jason was able to hold her. Even though I was not physically present, I wanted Bella to know that I was still there with her. I started saying her name on camera. She recognized my voice, as this time, her ears went back and perked up. She was also looking around to see where I was! I just kept saying her name. Clicking my tongue. Telling her that I was there, and that I loved her very much. She was wide awake, and aware of her surroundings this time. The vet came in. It was time. Time to say goodbye to my “Bella girl”. My food partner for the last 3 years. My shower partner for the last 10. As well as the last of three furry cuddle partners.
Before all this, when she was on my lap, when I thought that she was already gone, I cried and told her thank you. Thank you for being a part of my CP Journey. I told her to pass the same message along to her brothers, especially Thai. Now three little fur balls that I never knew I needed.
It finally made sense to me. I was talking to my brother-in-law about why Bella had seemed like she passed away in my lap, and then suddenly woke up. He simply explained that since Bella thought that SHE was the one taking care of me, and we had gotten so close over these last few years, she simply did not want to pass away in front of me. She stayed with me. Up until the very end.
As of writing this, it has been a little over 4 months since Bella has passed away. My grief has gotten a little bit better since April 29, 2023. I still catch myself in a moment of grief whenever I eat something I think Bella would enjoy eating with me. Especially when I ate cereal with milk without her for the first time.. Taking my first shower without her was especially difficult. She would always sit with me in the bathroom, and it didn’t matter if I was taking 5 minutes to go to the bathroom or more than that, she would sit on the bathroom bench with me. I miss having her sassy, spunky, attitude around. She was the sweetest girl I have ever met, with a loving and gentle Spirit.
I will admit, losing a loving pet is the hardest thing I have had to go through. Cerebral Palsy and all of the difficulties and challenges that come with it, are nothing. Compared to losing a loving spirit, who sees you for just YOU and not your physical disability. They adapt to what your capabilities are, and love you no matter how you are able to care for them or pet them. I would recommend, especially children with disabilities, having a pet. If you are allergic to cats or dogs, think outside of that box. Maybe you can own a pet that doesn’t need hair. Regardless of the animal, you are giving and getting the unconditional love, as well as creating a bond, that you both deserve. 🐾
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I would like to take the opportunity to thank Cerebral Palsy Guidance for allowing me to share this very LONG and personal experience that I have recently gone through, and make it into a blog entry to share with all of you. Thai, Bella, and Oscar were a huge chapter in my life. I would not be able to share my Cerebral Palsy experiences Or journey without including the story of my three furballs, because they were very much a part of my CP journey, that I am still on.
